Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Movie Magic

So last week I told you that I was lining up something big for Geo. See, for a while I had been thinking that our story could be of interest to a wider audience. In this weblog I present things from my perspective and in the interest of cataloging my experiences as a parent, but I have long believed, really ever since I set of to meet Geo, that our story could be the kind of thing that people would want to see and read and cherish for generations. So I set off to pitch our tale to Hollywood. I had to learn to handle a lot of rejection. One studio wanted to actually portray Geo as an animal, and as much as I wanted the story told, I wasn't sure about that.

Finally, after hearing a lot of "nos" I got a call from a man named Clarence at ARK Productions. I think he said the did the soundtrack to the movie Friday, but I was totally clear on what he was saying. Clarence said that his company had had great success making short videos that had gone "viral" (I had to look that up to make sure it was a good thing), but that they were looking to expand into features. Even though I was hoping to go with a big studio like The Asylum or Michael Schlep, I liked ARK's pitch because they were excited about having Geo play himself, which is why I didn't want him to have a busted leg. But that's just the back story, the whole thing ended being much more of a production (see what I did there) than I anticipated.

So the monkeyshines began as I was on my way to pick up Geo at the hospital. This all happened a few weeks after the fall that broke Geo's leg. He was being discharged and the nurse who got him out of his cast just left him in the room for a while. So look, that's cool, I feel like Geo can take care of himself for a few minutes. Except Florence High-tengale left this inquisitive young being in the same room as an enormous open bottle of some kind of narcotic. (I think they said it was ether, but come on, what kind of lost in time hospital still has big bottles of ether? Do they get it of the back of a horse-drawn carriage from a fast talking huckster with a handle bar mustache? I bet they have a room where they're busy sawing the legs off of Civil War soldiers.) By the time I get there  Geo is some kind of narcotic coma. So I did what any father would do in an afternoon special, I threw his ass in a cold shower. It totally worked. I'm awesome at instinctual parenting. I'm also totally suing the hospital.

We left the hospital and went straight to the movie studio. They had Geo sign a contract, which was weird since he's a minor and is totally illiterate. I'll have to check into that.

After signing the contract they kept Geo pretty busy. It was a whirlwind couple of days, but ARK got things done much faster than I expected. In exchange for financing they even gave me a producers credit. It's pretty big time stuff. Geo really seemed to like acting. He was a natural and he knew what to do because he'd already lived it.

The premiere was a whole other headache. Geo got wrapped up in some kind of PTSD/Stockholm Syndrome and insisted that we invite everyone from the whole past few months of flaming fiasco to the event. So there we were with the Doorman and The Cook and the lady from the condo and the painters and the doctor and Nurse High-tengale, and of course the whole staff from the boarding facility whose ineptitude had caused all the drama in the first place. I will say, all they're skullduggery did help make the movie more interesting. Even so, I don't know that "Geo the Inquisitive" is bound for major success.

Maybe it would do better as a book.

Didn't know parenting would involve so man law suits: T, AKA The Dad with the Yellow Hat.